January 23, 2024
What a whirlwind. Becoming a foster parent has brought more joy and pain, excitement and fear, frustration and celebration, than I could have ever imagined. In all, I fostered 12 children in 2023. Most of them were only here for a few days of respite, one for several months. The three I have now have been with me since the end of June.
The three boys share a birth mother and have been freed for adoption most of their lives. They are 13, 8, and 3. The oldest has had two failed adoptions, the others, one. They are the sweetest kids you could ever meet who also carry a lot of trauma from unspeakable abuse. Their stories are ones of strength, courage, unshakable resilience, kindness, and above all, hope.
As I reflected on our new lives together, our new normal, my new normal, I recognized that I was pushing myself too hard, judging myself too harshly, and unnecessarily trying to prove myself to others, to convince them, and myself, that I am the right mom for my boys. I spent 2023 trying to be everything to everyone, losing focus of what truly matters. Being in constant motion as a single mom with four boys at home and two adult daughters, working a full-time job, keeping up with cooking and cleaning and laundry, volunteering, friendships, a relationship, and all of the other things life brings, is not sustainable. And that’s okay.
Heading into the new year, it wasn’t too difficult to choose my word for 2024. Grace. I choose to give myself grace. Grace to let the housework go; grace to take a step back and let them play, even when it gets loud and messy; grace to admit I am still learning, and will always be learning, how to be a mom of autistic children; grace to not try so hard to prove myself; grace to let my significant other step up and take stuff off my plate; grace to be supportive and loving to all of my children by meeting them where there are; grace to accept my failures and celebrate my success; grace to just be.
Grace has brought peace, joy, and rest in ways I didn’t allow for before. And we are just getting started! Don't worry, once the adoption is final you will get to see their faces. Give me a few months, I'm working on that.
